Advocate or Enabler?!?!

It is my desire as Roo’s mom to give him the best opportunities.  I want him to be successful.  I want him to achieve all the things in life that he desires to achieve.  I want him be to happy.  I want him to be accepted.  I want him to have a chance.  I want him to love and to be loved.  Isn’t that what every parent wants?

My greatest challenge in life is to make sure that Roo’s needs are met.  I want to teach him the right things, guide him in the right direction.  Right now I feel like I a Yo Yo!  Am I making the right decisions?  Am I helping him? Am I hindering him?  Am I expecting too much? too little?  Does he need an IEP? Does he deserve one? Is he gifted? Is he having a melt down? Is he a brat?  Is he manipulating me?  Is the blow up of the last 6 months my fault?  Is it Autism?  Is it bad behaviour? Is it bad parenting?

I get upset with someone who is trying to be helpful – In her own demeaning and controlling way.  Yes, she was wrong to talk to someone else about my child behind my back. But her statement that sent me over the edge was “He is as good as he is ever going to be.  You need to medicate him and move on.”  Was I mad because her statement is so blatantly ignorant or because I am afraid she is right?  Deep down somewhere inside do I believe her statement, surly not.  The thought of that makes me angry again.  So many people think he just needs discipline.  That he’s just a brat.  And I fight them, I balk at their ignorance and I move on researching ways to help him. But in my search for information that helps him, have I too become complacent?  Do I explain away behaviours that can be corrected with that’s Autism?  Do I give Autism too much control?  Am I recognizing the difference between Autism and choice?  Am I feeding the monster? 

Serious problems have arose one after another since Christmas.  There is always a reason for it.  There’s a new student teacher. The works too easy for him.  He’s bored. They changed the routine again.  He ate some sort of milk product.  He’s being picked on.  They take things too seriously.  And all of it is true – but is it why?  This first time he got sent home was right after Christmas break and let’s face it he wants to be home.  So each time his behaviors got worse till they caved and sent him home.  Should I have demanded that they keep him?  Should I have insisted on an IEP so the could not sent him home?  Should I have made home so unbearable that he’d want to stay at school? Spanking him does absolutely no good.  I have taken away his toys and video games.  I have sent him to bed (that is not a punishment for him).  I have taken away activities (again, he could care less). 

How do you balance that fine line between enabler and advocate?  How do you know your decisions are right? 

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One thought on “Advocate or Enabler?!?!

  1. Great Post!I think its hard sometimes to find that balance, as all you want is what is best for your child. I think you do what works for you. If you know in your heart that feel good about the decision made, then that is what you follow. I wouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise. Only you know what is good for your child, as you are with them all time 🙂

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