What I learned last Sunday….

My husband and I have started attending a parenting class at our home church.  We are only three lessons in and so far it has been pretty good; even if the video’s are extremely outdated, the principles are sound.

This past week we learned about child centered parenting and the many troubling situations it causes.  My pastor talked about how child centered parenting is the down fall of our next generation and the impacts it is having on us now and how perilous the future generations will be if it continues.

I have to admit I agree with him, somewhat.  As a person who grew up in a home where you towed the line and did as you were told it unnerves me when dealing with kids who are terribly rude and disrespectful, not only to me but to themselves as well.  As a substitute teacher and a volunteer sunday school teacher, I have seen the ugly side of child centered parenting.  With that being said, because I grew up in a home with two authoritarian parents, I have seen the ugly side of that as well. 

I try to strike a balance with my kids.  I want and expect them to follow the rules and be respectful, but I also encourage them to think outside the box and discover who they are for themselves.  I want them to be their own unique person and not what I want them to be.  Anyway, as I was sitting there in class listening to the information being presented I was fully aware that I do have areas in which I participate in child centered parenting.  I was trying to process if those were areas I needed to change or if I had set them up that way for a reason, when it was decided that I needed to be used as the example for child centered parenting.

Honestly, I had expected it to some degree.  I do not expect my children to be silent unless spoken too. I expect them to have thoughts and opinions and I encourage them to share them with me. I figured this was their issues, but it was not.

Their issue was how I handle Roo. I give in too him too much, I helicopter too much, I make excuses for him too much. SERIOUSLY!!! I guess we are back on that he’s not autistic, he’s just a brat kick! I was so mad! The more he talked the more angry I got… Honestly, there was a time when I was practicing child centered parenting in a negative way. We didn’t know what was going on with Roo, and I would do anything to make it stop … the meltdowns that is! I would give him what I thought he wanted and do everything I could think of…just to stop or prevent a meltdown. We don’t do that anymore, we haven’t in a long time.

However, there are issues my son can’t help. There are sounds he can’t process and textures that are overwhelming. He doesn’t handle crowds or change well, so yes I prepare him for times that these things are going to take place, and I don’t force him to be uncomfortable all the time. And yes I stopped taking him to your Junior Worship program because the music is too loud and the kids are out of control and your adults can’t handle the awesomeness that is my Roo. If that makes me a child centered parent then so be it, I guess what we learned in that class is why God gave him to me and not to you!

Vent post

This will probably lose me a follower or two, but so be it. I am so ticked off and have to get this off my chest.

How my view-point has changed over the last eight years…

Pre DX: WTH????? WTH is wrong with this kid? WHY??? Why does he do this stuff? Why doesn’t he get it???

immediately following DX: He can’t help it. He has Asperger’s. It is what it is. This will be the rest of our lives, so we might as well settle in for the long hall.

1 year after DX: WTH? Why can’t the school just get that he can’t help it? I have to cater to him too. It is what is!

Intervention from a fellow Autism Momma : Asperger’s is NOT an excuse for bad behavior!
((LIFE ALTERING)))

Lightbulb!!!!

2 yrs after dx: We have come a long way … yes his still has asperger’s! Yes, he still has meltdowns! But it is not an excuse for bad behavior. For every action there is a reaction.

My son has Asperger’s! My son melts down, a lot!!! Our lives are different from other families. I do not hold my children to different standards. The rules are the rules. For every action there is a reaction. I will not walk around on egg shells fearful of the next melt down. Yes, I do everything I can to make sure the necessary supports are in place for him to succeed. But if you trash my house, you will clean it. If you break something of mine, you will replace it. If you break something of yours, I will not replace it. You will not scream, kick, hit or bite me. You may melt down in the safety of your own personal space. If that not acceptable, it’s not a meltdown, it’s a fit and I will respond accordingly. I realized that not every kid on the spectrum is capable of handling this type of parent. I do get that. However, I will say this. My husband, myself, teachers, support staff, case managers, therapists and many, many other people have worked diligently to get us to where we are at. Just because we have worked our ASSES of to get here doesn’t mean he’s not autistic!

2 years ago if I told my son to clean his room he would sit in a heap in the middle of the room and scream and throw things. I then would go and do it for him. After lots and lots and lots of work and reinforcements we have come up with a system that works for us. I made him a detailed list. Ya know … do this … do this…etc! With this list he can and does clean his room. If he trashes it…he cleans it. I have similar lists for all the rooms in my house. He trashes it .. he cleans it! Is he happy about it … No! My job is not to make sure he’s happy, it’s to make him productive member of society when I am not here to fix things. Funny thing happened when we started holding him accountable, he stopped trashing my stuff mostly!

Rant over.

Here we go… again?!?!

A spectrum (plural spectra or spectrums) is a condition that is not limited to a specific set of values but can vary infinitely within a continuum.
 
The autism spectrum or autistic spectrum describes a range of conditions classified as neurodevelopmental disorders and are characterized by social deficits and communication difficulties, stereotyped or repetitive behaviors and interests, and in some cases, cognitive delays.

It’s a spectrum people!  I can’t even process in my brain why it is so hard for people to figure the concept of a spectrum out!  Why for the love of God is it so difficult?!?!!?

I know, I know! You work with some guy whose sister’s friend’s aunt’s brother’s third cousin has autism.  And they are nothing like Roo, so you can’t possibly believe that he has autism, because…

… kids with autism…

1.     don’t make eye contact

2.    don’t talk

3.    can’t possibly function in the mainstream classroom

4.    don’t have creative imaginations

5.    dont’ have the ability to make friends

6.    don’t hug or show affection

7.   don’t have empathy or show sympathy for others

8.   don’t have competent brain function.

Seriously, you exhaust me!  Yes I know, my kid blows your mind with how unautistic you think he is!

This week we had to have an IQ test at school.  He did very well!  I’ll spare you the details, but needless to say it has started an onslaught of fuss from the peanut gallery!  “See I told you there was nothing wrong with him”  “He not Autistic he’s bored!” blah blah blah  

Honestly, his IQ has nothing to do with Autism, and actually according to the IQ test itself his autism actually reduces his overall IQ because of his “social deficits and communication difficulties.”  The test does not change the fact that he has SPD, nor does it chage the fact that he has difficulties with emotions and communication.