This will probably lose me a follower or two, but so be it. I am so ticked off and have to get this off my chest.
How my view-point has changed over the last eight years…
Pre DX: WTH????? WTH is wrong with this kid? WHY??? Why does he do this stuff? Why doesn’t he get it???
immediately following DX: He can’t help it. He has Asperger’s. It is what it is. This will be the rest of our lives, so we might as well settle in for the long hall.
1 year after DX: WTH? Why can’t the school just get that he can’t help it? I have to cater to him too. It is what is!
Intervention from a fellow Autism Momma : Asperger’s is NOT an excuse for bad behavior!
2 yrs after dx: We have come a long way … yes his still has asperger’s! Yes, he still has meltdowns! But it is not an excuse for bad behavior. For every action there is a reaction.
My son has Asperger’s! My son melts down, a lot!!! Our lives are different from other families. I do not hold my children to different standards. The rules are the rules. For every action there is a reaction. I will not walk around on egg shells fearful of the next melt down. Yes, I do everything I can to make sure the necessary supports are in place for him to succeed. But if you trash my house, you will clean it. If you break something of mine, you will replace it. If you break something of yours, I will not replace it. You will not scream, kick, hit or bite me. You may melt down in the safety of your own personal space. If that not acceptable, it’s not a meltdown, it’s a fit and I will respond accordingly. I realized that not every kid on the spectrum is capable of handling this type of parent. I do get that. However, I will say this. My husband, myself, teachers, support staff, case managers, therapists and many, many other people have worked diligently to get us to where we are at. Just because we have worked our ASSES of to get here doesn’t mean he’s not autistic!
2 years ago if I told my son to clean his room he would sit in a heap in the middle of the room and scream and throw things. I then would go and do it for him. After lots and lots and lots of work and reinforcements we have come up with a system that works for us. I made him a detailed list. Ya know … do this … do this…etc! With this list he can and does clean his room. If he trashes it…he cleans it. I have similar lists for all the rooms in my house. He trashes it .. he cleans it! Is he happy about it … No! My job is not to make sure he’s happy, it’s to make him productive member of society when I am not here to fix things. Funny thing happened when we started holding him accountable, he stopped trashing my stuff mostly!